The Daily Heller: Some Commodious Commodes

Posted inThe Daily Heller

Steven M. Johnson is a visionary who invents the unthinkable—probably the impractical—yet clearly the imaginable. He has self-published books of doodles and noodles under the Patent Pending Press imprint in which he’s envisioned “silverware dining gloves” that offer a “sanitary” noise-free interface with food, and under-par “shoe golf” shoes that are fitted, for example, with a No. 11 wood and a putter on one shoe and ball storage in the other.

These and many other matchless machinations have absorbed his spare time, deep concentration, REM sleep and canny wit for over 48 years. And speaking of cans, this year he is being recognized in China for his commodiously ingenious contributions to human calls of nature with the publication of 1,000 mind-pending ideas, which includes the duplex, love seat, tandem and more WC equipment.

As the proud owner of a fully automatic, sensor-driven Toto (with all the bells, whistles and dryers), I am pleased to share Johnson’s distinctive commodlings. Thank you, Mr. Johnson, for watching our backs.